Encounters of a Lifetime

The moment before you meet that special one; everything seems to be at a standstill. Time rushes by, the mind becomes cluttered with thoughts. Sometimes you can plan every single way of the encounter sometimes it is just abrupt.

I am not sure if I have met the one yet. But I have had the most amazing encounters. At work colleagues are just a hilarious group of diverse people. From the outspoken to the quite types I have seen them all. Nevertheless, some encounters are just worth years of memories. 

I now have a new friend! He speaks a lot, just the right kind of stuff I love to hear. We dream together and sip our favourite drinks together. He likes a Jameson, I like something else. We agree on most things but then each time I am taken back.

The little voices in me keep whispering. At most instances I have never been sure whether it’s me. I just blurt out about everything under the sky. There is a reason I like my new friend. He keeps it real simple not the kind who is so deeply introverted. I like his sense of humour but the real him is yet to come.

Someday sooner I will know. I have already witnessed some drama but that is all mine for keeps. In meeting people our horizons are broadened. It stops being about me and appreciating each other takes precedence. The best is not to stare at each other and turn to social media rather it is making the most out of each encounter. For tomorrow you might need each other. This is how it is between my new friend and I. We are learning to get by day by day. 

If you ever run into me I would like us to make the most of the encounter. Lets exchange numbers and let us find that one thing that makes us!

Delivery should Supersede Passion

Often times we speak of passion as our driving force. While it is a good thing, it can be terribly depressing when all you have is a deep burning that is not backed up with the desired action plan. When we talk of passion, our friends see it in our eyes, critics don't. They look at it differently. They want something more.

Attending sessions with young, aspiring people can be damning. At every instance everyone has this grandiose idea where they visualise everything. In the heat of the moment friends and foes alike are cheering on. While friends celebrate in the conception of the idea, foes alike are in celebration. The foes' celebration may last a bit longer, if the aspiring person does not pull the act together.

This is a dilemma I am faced with time and again. In conceptualising ideas I see everything clearly. I even know whom to turn to for the much needed support. But then the ideas some of them do not come to see the light of day. Sometimes it is out of fear of what the reaction will be. Other times it is being immensely in love with the concept and feeling that it is not yet the right time.

But what does this holding mean?

To the people who had so much hope, they look at you as one of the great speakers; a dog that barks but does not bite. Maybe it is true, all you are is a good concept developer and you need someone bold enough to realise the concept. There will never be a right time for those who wait for it. It is always grand but until you take the first step, all it is, is a dream.

Film Aid Festival Closes as Kenyans Urged to Push their Agenda to Tell stories

The Seventh edition of Film Aid film festival came to a close on Friday August 23, 2013 at the Alliance Francaise in Kenya’s Capital Nairobi. As the curtains drew a close to the three day film galore, film enthusiasts, Human Rights advocates and even artists left the venue with a new challenge.

Image courtesy of filmaid.org

While I cannot comprehensively talk about the screenings –I watched only two of the short films– the panel discussions, though sometimes appeared to be out of focus on the issues at hand, they gave audiences something worthy to think about.

On August 22, with the focus being Media, rights and displaced persons the panelists spearheaded by Charles Kotieno, tackled less about these issues. Instead representatives from the Refugee Consortium of Kenya and Amnesty International tackled various issues about repatriation and assistance offered to the refugees. Repatriation seemed to be an apt theme as Kenya has recently announced the repatriation of Somali refugees.

Image courtesy of filmaid.org

But it was on August 23 that seemed to lean greatly towards the issue of media and refugees. With the topic at hand being Xenophobia, Racism and Tribalism the panelists that included Judy Kibinge (film director& producer), Octopizzo (musician) Mburuku Gikunda (Media Focus) and Duc Mallard (Refugee From  Kakuma) they seemed to address what they through their organizations or as artists how they are addressing the issues.

On her part Judy kibinge said it was so sad that Kenyan media/ practitioners have not embraced the opportunities to tackle issues that have since independence held back the society.  “Kenya is such a vibrant place to be an artist, but it is a pity that those who are in this sector are lazy to do something meaningful,” she quipped when asked when artists will start tackling issues that affect the Kenyan society.

On the other hand Mburuku a former producer at KTN said it was up to each one of us to participate in telling the stories that we all want to hear. Who is the media? He quipped.  We will not get the story that we want told by waiting on the media to tell it. It is up to us to push the agenda.

Besides the panel discussions, the great steps that Film Aid has achieved in the art of filmmaking were greatly noticeably. From times when the productions were poorly directed, and some did not have a story per se. This year’s production though not the best had remarkable improvement in areas of camera work, sound and even scripting. It is hoped that this annual festival should be the direction that Mburuku Gikunda alluded to; the public needs to push the agenda before pointing fingers at the media.

Why does the world stare?

I am distressed,

At the cold stares the world is sending my way,

Why does the world revel so much in taking unnecessary looks at me?

I want to hide myself from the world

Please tell me how to hide

A hello from him,

A Hi whisper from her,

A tap from it,

I caught her off guard,

Her eyes trained on me,

I would have looked otherwise,

But she was by the window of her car

It’s insane how these eyes are all trained on me,

 Is it something I did?

I dab at my face,

Perhaps I went overboard with make-up this morning,

No!

The hanky confirms otherwise,

No make-up at all,

So why dear world,

Am I receiving this cold stares?

I might be familiar from the past,

But no,

I have never caught attention of the TV cameras,

The last journalist in my circle of friends,

Turned out to be all titles but no action,

I dread each morning as I take the leisurely walk through the park,

Someone might be looking

Eyes that eat us up are no good,

They make us nervous,

Not that we have secrets that anyone would die for,

An innocent soul,

Living each day in a stride,

Wishing no fame upon this fragile soul that is mine,

Just when will the cold stares,

Turn into a warm reception,

This is why I ask again,

How do I hide from the world? 

Illusion Delusion; Reality Fantasy

Even in my dreams you remain an illusion

In reality, a delusion

 I see you from a distance

Constantly snooping at every instance

Just maybe we were not meant to be,

This pain I have known to bear

Time again and again

Where in the world

Am I to look?

Not that I have been the best,

But I know,

I ought to be among the many constants

That ought to swing the pendulum

Though I seek,

You are a mirage that will never turn a reality,

A fantasy that has stolen a heart from a far,

I knew that December when we met,

That you were not any good to my fragile soul,

Yet an innocent soul out for a thrill I was,

Encompassing all that you were!

It is yet another December,

Like a bad dream,

I hope I will wake to streaks of life,

Breathe a new life,

Into the past,

See a newer you,

Touch that shiny face once again

 As I held out my hand,

You wrapped me in your arms,

With a promise of us

Then I let you slip into the world unknown,

Trusting in every word that you said

Today as tears stream,

I reckon that you might be a happy soul after all,

For yours is to turn dreams into obscurity

Just what went wrong?

Outsiders Looking in!

So what are we? I am not sure why I ask. The turn of events just leave you asking questions; some rhetoric, others genuinely deserving answers.

I am in a conundrum. Seeking some sort of assurance, whether it’s about the future or the present I am yet to establish. Fear as we all know holds us back from being the best we could ever be. As I rushed through the streets this morning, a knot of uneasiness tucked in my stomach. I am not sure whether the rumbling noise was from my stomach. I have been queasy uneasy since last weekend.  The circumstances leading to these moments remain a mystery.

With a hood over my head I convinced myself that I was out of sight to the curious eyes of the thousands of outsiders who shamelessly tend to look in. Now I stand at the door ready to knock. I hear a voice over my shoulder and wonder just who it might be.

I have missed my targets over the last one month. Maybe this is the reason why I am hiding away from the real world. I just can’t accept the fact that I failed on this one. But I did try. I keep convincing myself. I want to break away, yet the next step is not known. I walk each moment my held bowed low in shame.

Sometimes it is all about luck. I know lady luck has kept a distance from me. I want her to come back. Even if not in a great way; just in a small sneaky way that says I am around not this time but some other day I will look your way.

The boss has been on my case for far too long. I want to burst into tears. I want to talk back but then this thing called fear holds me back. So when will the sun shine?

I Weep!

He keeps on staring,

But I know what we had is over,

All because it was built on deceit,

We never want to hold grudges,

But of what use is it,

When we reconcile,

Yet deep down,

Our souls are full of vengeance,

Perhaps we should look as if we do not see,

Walk as if aimless,

Talk as if we are afraid,

But hold true to what is ours

An astounding betrayal it was,

The little lies we told,

Someone elsewhere used them,

To crucify us

It was a crucifixion of sorts,

He killed the one thing that was so dear to the soul?

It wasn’t physical destruction,

Yet the repercussions are too visible to ignore,

The blabbering soul,

Caused a permanent damage to my frail soul

And here I weep

How a man with his dignity,

Would succumb to this mind-games,

Was unforgivable,

He would have lied to one,

But not two,

Promised one a better future,

But not all the two,

This is why vengeance,

Is deep-rooted,

Always seeking that one thing,

 That will cause him everlasting pain

It appears he is on my back,

Everywhere I turn,

I see his intimidating soul materialise,

I fear,

But then am in safe hands,

Hoping that he gets the hint,

Yet now I see him,

Not from the back,

Nor in dreams,

He is intently staring,

This time,

From afar

I hate to reminisce,

Of the earlier days,

When all we saw was love,

Nothing mattered then,

Yet we turn away,

With tearful eyes,

Love has lost meaning,

And we are afraid,

Lest we find ourselves,

Subjects of this thing called love

It’s Her I Want!

Nothing compares to her immense beauty,

I am dumbfounded by her beauty,

I pinch myself to make sure it’s real,

How sad it is,

She just zoomed past me,

Her sleek body leaves me dazed,

Her glowing lights promise me such better times,

It’s the grey colour that crowns it all,

My mind is set,

SHE IS ALL I WANT

I am held up in this stinky, emotionless and unsteady relationship,

With this rickety, old and squeaky beast,

It worries me every now and then

I look around and catch a glimpse of her rear shape,

It says S280,

Does it mean she realizes how sleek and beautiful she is?

It is a dream,

But then am done dreaming,

She has been making a disappearing act the whole day,

I hate myself for not making the effort to own her,

Yet I know I will see her tomorrow,

I am fed up of dreaming

All I want is her!

For He is Gone

He is gone,

I need not explain why,

For it was bound to happen

I did not invite him,

Neither did you,

Yet here we are,

Daggers drawn ready for revenge

I walked away,

To let you savour the joy of the moment,

Yet you could not contain him,

In my arms he came rushing,

A confused soul I remained standing

The American sweetheart is gone,

Forever gone!

Will you go on grieving?

Or will you extend your hand and join me on the side of the planet,

Somewhere our hearts will heal,

Our past put behind,

Or like the ‘good friends’ we have become,

You are ready to play the dirty game again?

How I wish my ounce of attitude will last one more day,

My head held high to the sky,

Your pathetic whining dropped in the sea,

And my glory of the day upheld,

It matters not anymore,

For I am the overgrown child,

The attitude filled individual,

You claim I am,

Yet all reasons point to you,

You mask your insecurities in me,

You hope that I will come back to you,

But fair lady I have had enough

Forever I walk on,

In search of greater glory,

Holding on to my belief,

Overriding the groupie effect,

A strong willed individual I am,

A joy to a few

Why Do We stand and Stare?

Where does an aggrieved individual find the strength to move on? Have we always had the courage to stand up for ourselves when we are ill-treated?

There are few of us who find the strength to go on. Majority of us retreat into our cocoons welling tears that do nothing but propagate us to the world as weaklings. Recent happenings in the world in which I live have left me a disillusioned individual but not one that will give up my vision soon.

Though bullying is something I have always thought happens to young people-those going to boarding schools only, I have witnessed adult bullying at its worst. While we might sympathise and condemn the act among children as they are helpless and not able to defend themselves, how then do you explain this act amongst men and women who are able to fight for themselves?

I might have witnessed bullying and done nothing about it. For that I despise myself. I might have been a victim and in denial but looking at the people I had always regarded as strong-willed and able to stand up for themselves tolerate this act  has led me to the sole conclusion that we at times welcome trouble, court trouble and forget that we have a way out.

While things like job security and the difficult economic times are good enough to justify our withholding and letting people who lack integrity domineer over us is not good enough.

Unfortunately, I on the hand have walked away from my problems.  I realize a time will come when I will have to confront the truth and say exactly what is on my mind. However, one thing I have always held true to myself is to not let individuals who are under some sort of self discovery experiment on me as to whether they would make good bosses.

There are times when I have feared for my tomorrow because in one or another am confronted with challenging times with individuals such as my supervisors. But I would rather face the difficult times than have someone dominate over me.

My actions of course haven’t been received with open arms. At times I have been viewed as an individual who is too proud. Some have had the guts to liken me to animals. But this I believe is a problem with them not me.

Unless men and women stand up for themselves, bullying is here to stay. We do not have to exchange blows to defend ourselves. All we need is to be adult enough and walk away from all those nonsense we are treated to. We do not have to win all the arguments we are invited to but be able to speak our minds and let the world know that we have our rights.